A Very Passionate Time in Study Hall
By the time Professor Snape came back to Hogwarts, the student body was utterly shocked. “It’s that Slytherin guy who tormented the Chosen One when he was here!” “That man has a very sexy voice. Isn’t it just dreamy?” “Isn’t that the guy from Die Hard?”
But nobody had as exuberant a reaction as Headmaster Byrndrom.
“Severus, I know you may be very confused and jumbled from that injury that left you in a magical coma so long ago, but by the time you’ve taught a few potions lessons in the stead of Horace, you’ll feel right at home.”
“All right then. If you need me, I’ll be in my office acting like Alan Rickman.”
“And I’ll be in my office watching sketchy videos on WizTube! Ta-ta!”
“Albus Severus Potter! You are fashionably late to study hall! 20 points to Gryffindor!” said Thaddeus T. Wigglesworth as Albus ran into the classroom.
“We really aren’t going to study today, so feel free to do what you want. Just don’t touch the drawer next to the grandfather clock- that’s where I keep my drugs and LGBT porn.” After taking a few breaths and staring at his teacher, Albus looked up at the eccentrically decorated chamber- the walls were painted a shimmery heliotrope, and posters of various sexy witches and wizards were push-pinned into the wall. Many chests of drawers were scattered around the room, some with drawers pulled out. Wigglesworth was sitting in a comfy-looking chair at a large computer desk, looking at something on his wizarding computer. As Albus sat down near his brother and Scorpius, who were sitting on a large, velveteen couch, James nudged him.
“So, what was the deal with Snapey? How did you convince him to come back without getting Crucio’d?” asked James, flashing a smile.
“Well.... my middle name is his first name, and I look a lot like our dad.....so, yeah, that’s it.”
“Hey, Al! How’s the relationship with Polly going?” Scorpius butted in, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
“Yeah, it’s doing just fine. We snogged a couple times on Tuesday, and we went to lunch together yesterday...” Albus sighed. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was- his dad didn’t get a girlfriend until fifth year!
“Hey, guys! Hi, Al.” Polly crooned as she waltzed into the room, sitting down next to her boyfriend. She definitely showed she had Metamorphmagus blood in her today, with her now-sage green hair in an elaborate ponytail and her now-tiger orange eyes glowing passionately.
“Hey, love,” said Albus happily, and embraced her tightly.
“Oh great, she’s another Lavender Brown-type.... just like the stories my Uncle Ron tells us...” whispered James to Scorpius, and they high-fived as they watched Albus and Polly make out, with each kiss growing more passionate as they wrapped their arms around each other on the royal blue couch. Polly pulled the tie out of her hair, letting her green ringlets fall over their faces. Albi laughed, and soon they were going even farther, with Al eventually taking off his shirt and tie, Polly, her blouse; their tongues entering each other’s mouths eagerly; and before they could hit next base (or Polly could unfasten her bra), a blinding flash of blue light enveloped them, and Wigglesworth stood over the snogging couple, smiling pervertedly.
“Yes! This will make a great WizTube video!” he said, and rushed back to his computer. Albus and Polly just shrugged, and resumed their romantic escapades.
All that night, Albus wrote a letter to his dad.
Hogwarts has been fantastic- I actually have a girlfriend (her name is Polly Bressley) and we’ve made out multiple times. Just today in Wigglesworth’s study hall we went to first base, with all the tongues and taking off our shirts and stuff-all in front of James- I bet he’ll write to Uncle Ron about that. It was amazing- I’ve never felt so... euphoric in my whole life. Did you hear about Severus Snape coming back? It was all my doing, and it’s a secret I’m keeping between him and me. So, yeah. How is Mum? Lily doing well? Give Remus a cuddle for me. Thanks for the book.
As morning broke, Albus sent the letter with Hedwig II, his owl, and got dressed. He slept through Astronomy (which irritated Prof. D’Oracle immensely) and helped Prof. Snape with dishing out House Points. After lunch, Albus, along with Polly, whose hair was fire red today, headed to Wigglesworth’s room. As they got to his room, Wigglesworth asked them to sit down, and promptly handed them each a piece of orange parchment.
“Now, I know you two lovebirds will be pleased to know that in a few weeks time, we will be having our Annual Halloween Ball, and I’d advise you to choose your dates soon, since Headmaster expects me, of all people, to deliver him a list of the couples, so he can seat them accordingly.” Wigglesworth seemed stern today.
“Oh, Al, I’d love if you were my date to the Ball!” giggled Polly.
“I’d love it if you were my date to the Ball, Polly,” replied Albus. They quickly wrote each other’s names on the orange papers, and handed them to Wigglesworth, who thanked them and went to his computer.
“You’re free the rest of class, so do whatever it is you two want.”
At the sound of this, Albus and Polly were wrapped in each other’s arms again, both with smiles on the inside, since their lips were already doing something else.